Steps to Recovering from a Toxic Trauma Bond

What is Toxic Trauma Bond

Trauma Bond occurs in very toxic relationships.

Back view of a woman with long hair and a tank top standing in an open doorway gazing outdoors. Trauma ties form in very toxic relationships and are bolstered by inconsistent positive reinforcement—or at the very least the possibility of something better on the horizon.

Trauma bonds form in severe conditions like abusive partnerships, hostage situations, and incestuous connections, but they may also form in any long-term committed relationship with a lot of pain mixed with moments of calm (or maybe just less pain). I compare it to a heroin addiction: the relationship promises a lot, gives you a brief sense of nirvana, and then takes your soul away.

You may feel insane in your trauma-bonded reverie for someone who has wronged you but knows that there are individuals out there who are eating dirt and making more sense than some of the well-intentioned counsel I received when dealing with various types of loss.

Stop fixating, face your fear of moving on, focus on yourself, and time will cure all wounds, we’re taught. When the symptoms of a traumatic reaction to a trauma connection make these tasks seem practically unattainable, they are.

Furthermore, when viewed through the lens of trauma bonding, extended mourning over the loss of a relationship, even when that connection was toxic, is far from unreasonable. If you become increasingly shocked and immobile as time passes, this is your body’s attempt to defend you from a perceived, continuous threat. dirt or dust content

how to Recover from Trauma Bond

If you or someone you know has been in an abusive relationship, you are familiar with the power of such a bond. Perhaps you or someone you know is attempting to flee but is unable to do so.

There is, however, a reason to be optimistic. Here are some ideas on how to get out of a stronghold like this:

  1. Make the decision to live in the present. Stop fantasizing about what could be or what you think will happen. Remind yourself that you have pledged to live in integrity. Even if you don’t decide to end the relationship right away, you can at least promise yourself that you will cease dreaming about what isn’t occurring in the meanwhile.
  2. Real-time streaming. That is to say, stop worrying about what “may” or “will” happen tomorrow. Take note of what is going on right now. Take note of how entrapped you feel. Consider how neglected you feel and how you’ve put your self-respect and self-worth on the line for this relationship. Pay close attention to your feelings. Stop hoping and waiting and start recognizing what’s going on in real-time and how it affects you.
  3. Live one day at a time, one decision at a time. People can terrify themselves by thinking all-or-nothing. Don’t tell yourself things like, “I have to never talk to the toxic person again or else,” since that’s like telling yourself you can’t eat chocolate again to lose weight. While your relationship is dysfunctional, you don’t have to make every interaction a life or death issue. Don’t be afraid of yourself.
  4. Make judgments that are only in your best interests. To put it another way, don’t make any decisions that will harm you. This also applies to emotional “relapses.” If you’re feeling down, instead of berating yourself, talk to yourself in a loving, understanding, and thoughtful manner. Remember that you are a work in progress and that life is a journey. Make the callous decision not to psychologically punish yourself.
  5. Begin to experience your feelings. Stop reaching out to the toxic person in your life whenever you are inclined to do so for reassurance. Instead, consider writing down your emotions. Whatever comes to mind, write it down. “I’m feeling ,” for example. is someone I miss. I wish I could be with right now, but instead I’m going to sit and jot down my thoughts. Rather than resorting to , I’m going to teach myself how to feel my way through the fixation.” This might aid in the development of inner strength. Learn to simply be present with your feelings. You don’t have to flee from them, hide from them, avoid them, or force them to leave you alone.
  6. Learn to mourn. Breaking a painful attachment and letting go of a poisonous relationship may be one of the most difficult things you’ll ever have to do. You can’t do that without acknowledging that you’re giving up something incredibly significant.
  7. Recognize the “hook.” Determine exactly what you’re losing. It might be a dream, a fantasy, or an illusion. Maybe your lover had persuaded you that they were going to meet some deep, unfulfilled desire. After you’ve figured out what this need (or hook) is, you can get down to business mourning. Grieving entails holding your hands open and letting go (figuratively). You bid goodbye to the possibility that your need may never be satisfied. This connection will not, at the very least, meet it.
  8. Make a list of your own bottom-line habits.
    1. I will not sleep with someone who calls me names,” for example.
    2. I will not quarrel with someone who has consumed alcoholic beverages.
    3. I shall be responsible for my own expenses.
    4. When I’m desperate (or defensive, or obsessed, or whatever), I won’t talk to anyone.” Determine what you need to alter in each of your areas of concern and make them your bottom-line habits.
  9. Make a plan for your future. Start thinking about your future for yourself (and your children, if you have them) one step at a time; in other words, build fantasies that aren’t centered on your horrific relationship. Perhaps you’d want to attend school, begin a hobby, attend church, or join a group. Begin to make life-affirming decisions for yourself that will lead you away from the poisonous encounters that have been robbing you of your peace of mind.
  10. build healthy and positive connections. The only way to truly get rid of harmful relationships is to begin investing in healthy ones. Other intimate, linked, and bonded connections that aren’t oriented on drama should be developed. Make this group of folks your “go-to” people. Without help, healing is incredibly tough. Pay attention to the individuals in your life who show you love, concern, and care, and spend as much time with them as possible.

read more about trauma bonds: 7 stages of trauma bonding